Hoping for a Donkey Kong Bananza Reboot

Alright, so here’s the deal — I’m jazzed about Diddy Kong Racing, no doubt. It’s like a fond memory, but lemme just shove all that Donkey Kong nonsense to the side for now. Rare did some bonkers stuff with apes, and I’m just not mentally prepping for that baggage when Bananza drops next week. And seriously, can we skip over Candy Kong? Nope, I don’t even want to wander down that train of thought. Why did I even bring her up?

Let’s dive right into my love-hate relationship with Donkey Kong (yes, I’ve played the classics — Donkey Kong Jr., the ’94 Game Boy version, yada yada). Bananza feels like this big, pivotal moment in the saga. I mean, am I dramafying it? Probably. But it’s like the next chapter in this half-baked novel I didn’t know I was invested in. And get this: Mario was climbing buildings, saving someone, and now here we are, waiting to see what fresh madness in Bananza stitches all this together. Who knew I’d be this excited? Not me!

Nintendo’s been cagey with details, as usual. They’ve got this whole "Donkey Kong hangs with a teenage Pauline" storyline. It’s like, what? Didn’t he kinda-sorta abduct her decades ago? I’m avoiding spoilers like they’re the plague, and I’m ridiculously hyped for Switch 2. Never thought I’d be that person worried about Kong spoilers. Weird, right?

They threw us a bone in last month’s Direct, showing off some crackerjack Kongs: Cranky, Diddy, Dixie — the whole gang’s here. I’m going rogue, though. I’m reworking these apes to fit my own universe. Dozens of monkeys in Bananza, and I’m seeing them all with brand-new eyeballs. Why? Because I’m nuts like that.

Look, I’m snubbing those Donkey Kong Country and Land games. They’re relics with jokes that make me cringe harder than a tween’s old TikToks. And the character designs? Don’t get me started. Swanky, Candy, Kiddy, Chunky — yikes. Candy Kong’s design is like some bizarre fever dream that’s haunted kids forever. Funky Kong gets a pass, though. Don’t ask me why.

Bananza, oh boy, it’s promising some lush Kong lore. We’re getting these giant animal Elders and the villainous apes of VoidCo — sounds like something good came from the Jungle Beat days, but better by a mile.

Ignore my selective Kong memory when it comes to the Country series. It’s not a jab at the gameplay — some of it is decent. Others? Well, Donkey Kong 64 exists. But I’m all for moving forward, discovering this new Donkey Kong universe, and leaving Rare’s grand ape opera way back in the past. Bring on the new chaos!